Chapter 3: A Nation Declines to Bathe

Having formed a new nation, Americans expanded westward, fought a war or two with pirates, and elected a bunch of rather forgettable presidents who didn't even have the courtesy to grow comical facial hair of which future historians could make fun.

President James K. Polk:

Business up front, party in the back, baby.

Polk was actually a pretty effective president - he made a list of goals and accomplished them all in one term. He may not be MEMORABLE, but he got the job done.

When Frances Trollope wrote a book saying Americans were dirty and rude (which, by all acounts, the early Americans were), they responded in the most mature way possible: drawing a picture of her that made her look like Jabba the Hutt.


Above: John Brown, subject of the song "John Brown's Body Lies a-Mouldering in the Grave," one of the solid gold smash hits of the 1850s. Your assignment - write a better song about mouldering. Send it to the Smart Aleck Staff - we may post a few right here!*


The Diaries of Lewis and Clark
(with the spelling cleaned up by thoughtful archivists - these guys could NOT spell)

*As always, by sending it in, you grant us the right to post it here.

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