is the author of several novels, including
HOW TO GET SUSPENDED AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE (which people try to ban now and then),I Put a Spell On You (which holds the world's record for Most Richard Nixon Jokes in a Kids Book), and the new I KISSED A ZOMBIE AND I LIKED IT!
Consider him for a school visit
He also writes gory true crime under the name "Wild Bill" Griffith.
(no known photograph)
A super-high ranking, Cornersville Trace-born staffer and uthor of the upcoming novel SPARKS. SJ has a blog about life on the staff and frequently makes fun of Adam on twitter.
joined the staff because he had the same music teacher as Adam in the 80s, and SOMEONE had to back up Adam's stories that his music teacher once claimed not to believe in shampoo. Seriously. He preferred to stick his head in a rain barrel. And this guy taught Adam to rap, which explains a lot. Ben's first job was to find out if rain barrels really better than shampoo (experiment still in progress). His second was to find a bank foolish enough to give us a mortgage. He's traveled as far as Nebraska. No luck yet, but job three (as co-author of an upcoming guide) is coming along nicely!
is a big fan of Billy Joel. Dr. Joel once noted that "if you are (a straight A student), then you think
too much." Eli was a straight A student, but he sure didn't think too much. Trust us. He lives in Los Angeles and got this job by being the boss's brother. He contributed greatly to the history book, particularly the revolution section (and was the only staff member who drew a salary for it, since the rest of them were just literary devices back then).
PROF WILLIAM ROSEMONT, ESQUIRE
is our resident conspiracy theorist. He has SEVERAL advanced degrees, but we mostly keep him around to fix the pinball machines.
is the one responsible for all of the poop jokes
that didn't get cut out by the good folks at Random
House. Blame him.
KENSINGTON ANN CHELSEA
is wanted in three states, but arrived at the Smart Aleck headquarters one day to teach us a song about how to build an Anderson shelter. It came in surprisingly handy.